Twin Fantasy

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about

by Will Toledo

download to get a lyrics sheet with illustrations by Cate Wurtz (lamezone.net)

credits

released November 2, 2011

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all rights reserved

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Track Name: My Boy (Twin Fantasy)
My boy, we don't see each other much
it'll take some time
but somewhere down the line
we won't be alone
Track Name: Beach Life-In-Death
Last night I drove to Harper’s Ferry and I thought about you
there were signs on the road that warned me of stop signs
the speed limit kept decreasing by ten
as we entered a town about halfway there
it was almost raining at the train station
we put our hoods on our heads at the train station
we threw rocks into the river
the river underneath the train tracks

And when the train came it was so big and powerful
when it came into the little station
I wanted to put my arms around it
but the conductor looked at me funny
so we had to say goodbye and leave
the monopoly board still in the backseat
took that nightmare left turn to get out of town
ran into the decreasing speed limits again

What should I do? Eat breakfast
What should I do? Eat lunch
What should I do? Eat dinner
What should I do? Go to bed
Where can I go? Go to the store
Where can I go? Apply for jobs
Where can I go? Go to a friend’s
Where can I go? Go to bed

I wrote beach death when I thought you were taken
I wrote beach funeral when I knew you were taken
I wrote beach fags, well it wasn’t about you
but it could’ve been. well no it couldn’t have
I spent a week in Ocean City
and came back to find you were gone
I spent a week in Illinois
and came back to find you were still gone

I pretended I was drunk when I came out to my friends
I never came out to my friends
We were all on S----
and I laughed and changed the subject
she said “what’s with this dog motif”
I said “do you have something against
dogs”

I am almost completely soulless
I am incapable of being human
I am incapable of being inhuman
I am living uncontrollably

It should be antidepression
as a friend of mine suggested
because it’s not the sadness that hurts you
it’s the brain’s reaction against it

It’s not enough to love the unreal
I am inseparable from the impossible
I I want gravity to stop for me
My soul yearns for a fugitive from the laws of nature
I want a cut scene
I want a cut from your face to my face
I want a cut I want
the next related video

I don’t want to go insane
I don’t want to have schizophrenia

The ocean washed over your grave

Part II

Last night I dreamed he was trying to kill you
I woke up and I was trying to kill you
It’s been a year since we first met
I don’t know if we’re boyfriends yet

Do you have any crimes that
we can use to pass the time I’m
running out of drugs to try

We said we hated humans
We wanted to be humans

Get more groceries get eaten get more groceries get eaten get more groceries get eaten

A book of Aubrey Beardsley art
corrupted me in youth
now I’m trapped inside my youth
and you’re in love with late-stage youth

Thank god for the little things and and
fuck god that they’re little things I am
running out of prayers to sing

And pretty soon you’ll find some nice young
satanist with braces and one
capital o significant Other
and you can take him home to your mother and
say ma, this is my brother

We said we hated humans
We wanted to be humans

Get more groceries get eaten get more groceries get eaten get more groceries

Get eaten by the one you love
when they put their lips around you
you can feel their smile from the inside

Part III

Last night I dreamed he was trying to kill you
I woke up and I was trying to kill you

Your ears perked up
I perked up when your ears perked up
you were all looking around
and I hoped it was for me
I hoped you were using your sonar systems for me

The ancients saw it coming
you can see that they tried to warn them
in the tales that they told their children
but they fell out of their heads in the morning

They said sex can be frightening
but the children were not listening
and the children cut out everything
except for the kissing and the singing

when they finally found their home
at W--- D----- studios
and then everyone grew up
with their fundamental schemas fucked

but there are lots of fish left in the sea
there are lots of fish in business suits
that talk and walk on human feet
and visit doctors, have weak knees

oh please let me join your cult
I’ll paint my face in your colors
You had a real nice face
I had an early death

The ocean washed over your grave
The ocean washed open your grave
(how’s your face? How’s your body?)
(WE’RE TOO SCARED TO DO SHIT)
Track Name: Sober To Death
Lovely lovely
in your jeans, frenzy
another movie that I didn’t watch with you
another movie and I’m gonna have to move

That final terror is in your house somewhere
Hiding in boxes, behind closed doorways
Out from the forest adjacent to your garage
I’ve seen its marks at the corners of your eyes

Nothing works
Nothing works for everyone
Good stories are bad lives
Good stories are bad lives

Take your hands off your neck and hold
On to the ghost of my body
You know that good lives make bad stories
You can text me
When punching mattresses gets old
Don’t think it’ll always be this way
Not comforted by anything I say
We were wrecks before we crashed into each other

Such a good idea
If it turns you on
We have breakdowns
And sometimes we don’t have breakdowns

I want to hear you going psycho
If you’re going psycho I wanna hear
Every conversation just ends with you screaming
Not even words, just ahh-ahh-ahh

Take my hands off your neck and hold
On to the ghost of your body
I know that good lives make bad stories
You can text me
When punching mattresses gets old
What if it’ll always be this way
Not comforted by anything you say
We were wrecks before we crashed into each other

Don’t worry
You and me won’t be alone no more
Track Name: Nervous Young Inhumans
You should’ve seen my cursive back then
Every letter was above the line
My p’s and q’s raised their stems
So nothing crossed beneath
I’m a little better now

You galvanistic young boy
You galvanistic young man
You galvanistic young inhuman
You understand

Art gets what it wants and art gets what it deserves

Most people are jokes but you’re so real
Most of the time that I use the word “you”
Well you know that I’m mostly singing about you

You swore you’d never use
The face that your ex invented
So let’s meet up in
Uncanny valley

You galvanistic young boy
You galvanistic young man
You galvanistic young inhuman
You understand

You’ll get what you want and you’ll get what you deserve
Track Name: Bodys
That’s not what I meant to say at all
I mean, I’m sick of meaning
I just wanna hold you

But that’s not what I wanted to say at all
I mean, I’m sick of meaning
I just wanna hold you

(Is it the chorus yet?
No. It’s just a building of the verse
So when the chorus does come, it’ll be more rewarding.)

I would speak to you in song
But you can’t sing
As far as I’m aware
Though everyone can sing
As you are well aware
I keep so quiet
It’s hard to tell I’m alive

Everybody’s swinging their hips
Everybody’s giving the waitress tips
Everybody’s dancing all of the dances
Everybody’s dancing every dance now

Those are you got some nice shoulders
I’d like to put my hands around them
I’d like to put my hands around them

I have enough trouble controlling my own limbs
Stealing alcohol from our parents and grandparents
There’s no devil on one shoulder and angel on the other
They’re just two normal people

These are the people that I get drunk with
These are the people that I fell in love with
These are the people that I get drunk with
These are the people that I fell in love with

But if you keep giving me your empty hands man I am tempted to say let’s piss up another rope boys this one has grown old and bitter

Well, so what? So what?
We’re young
We’re thin (most of us)
We’re alive (most of us)

Don’t you realize our bodies could fall apart at any second?
I am terrified your body could fall apart at any second
Those are you got some nice shoulders
I'd like to put my hands around them
We can get real horny
And keep messing around
We can keep real quiet
Won’t be making no sounds
I’ll try my best
not to touch your face
Next time can we
please meet at my place

I know that I don’t talk a lot
But I know that you don’t care a lot
As long as we move our bodies around a lot
We’ll forget that we forgot how to talk
When we dance
Track Name: Cute Thing
I got so fucking romantic
I apologize
Lemme light your cigarette
Come visit Kansas for a week of debauchery
Songs and high fives and weird sex

Cute thing
Don’t be rude, thing

Hot thing
It was nothing

God
Give me Dan Bejar’s voice
And John Entwistle’s stage presence
I will be your rock, God, when you’re rolling the dice

I got so fucking romantic
I apologize
Lemme smoke your weed, no wait
Healthy minds make sexy bodies
Let us touch so much of ourselves together

Cute thing
Don’t be rude, thing

Hot thing
It was nothing

Dog
Give me one little chance
I can make you a man
I will be your rock, dog, when you’re rolling your eyes

He died in an explosion
Of mixed media and poorly written reviews
And some stammering drunk who tried to tell him how good his shit was
That is some good shit, man
I accidentally spoke your first name aloud
Trying to make it fit in the lyrics of Ana Ng, worked like a charm


I would sleep naked
Next to you naked

Like some Stanley Kubrick porn director
Casting couples, eyes wide shut for a reason
Track Name: High To Death
I fell over
I fell onto the ground
I wish I was sober
I can’t get up off the ground

I closed my eyes
And thought I was blind
It’s the middle of the night
And I’ll never be alright again

And this wallpaper
Keeps going round the room
Keeps going round the room
And I follow it around the room

[the break down]

And I sat there on the steps
Considering death
There were only seconds left of the night

And I said hell is the sun
Burning forever at the center of things
A ball on fire at the center of things
A brain on fire at the center of things

And the sea isn’t green
And I love this dream
But how exactly can we
Escape from behind the wall?
Track Name: Famous Prophets (Minds)
Apologies to future mes and yous
But I can’t help feeling like we’re through

The ripping of the tape hurts my ears
In my years
I have never seen anyone quit quite like you do

Twin bruises on my shins
From where I kicked the back of the seat in
They meant what I went through for you
But now they’re fading, now they’re gone

These teenage hands will never touch yours again

I remember you
You had a body
You had hands and arms and legs and et cetera

Stuck in a body
stuck in a mind
Stuck in one body
Stuck in one mind for the rest of your life

This is the rest of your life

Why did God throw you down upon my head
Making shock yellow light emit from my nostrils
And smoke pour from my ears and my hair stand up on end
I was fried alive and now I’m a target for next time
Leviathan was powerful and inevitable
I fell in love with my fate as it crushed me to death



Oh God, let me see you one time, let me feel you one time
Show me your power God, show me your power God
Nacham

Don’t get too impressed
You might lose your breath
Don’t predict your death
Cause I like you the best

Don’t you fall apart
You might lose my heart
You know I love your art

The ocean washed over your grave
The ocean washed open your grave


He said, “Go out and stand on the mountain before the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.” Now there was a great wind, so strong that it was splitting mountains and breaking rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; 12 and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of sheer silence.
Track Name: Twin Fantasy (Those Boys)
The show ain’t over
They’ll keep on going
They’ll keep on laughing
And fucking around

Off into the distance
Those two brothers
Those two lovers
And their smooth cocked adventures

They just want to be one
Walk off into the sun
They’re not kissing
They’re not fucking
They’re just having fun

They were connected
At the back of the head

they got a conduit
their minds are the same

This ain’t the end
We’ll see them again

[This is the part of the song where Will gives up. He dissociates himself from his own romance until it becomes just a fantasy. This is not something that could happen to him; this is something that takes place only in his mind. But he blinks now, and shakes himself awake. He has rejoined society. Come, dear children, call no more. He has only lyrics now.]

When I come back you’ll still be here

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